It is often said that we die as we lived. This can mean that we experience death in the same way we have experienced life. In other terms, how we chose to live (our decisions, actions, choices, etc.) can influence how we die (final stages of life or even last moments of life).
Of course, sayings offer some insights or wisdom, but one must avoid generalizations, clichés, and misguided or harsh judgment. To give a concrete example, perhaps someone who has lived with a large family (e.g. 12 kids!) can expect to have at least half of them being present and caring throughout life until the last breath. But, how about if those 12 ends up being all narcissistic (yes, a nightmare!). What if they literally ignore/silence their parents, disrespect them, or exploit them? OK the example is too extreme, thank Goodness, but it scores the point mentioned earlier. This being said, Bambi’s heart goes to any parent or any child going through something similar.
Let’s put death aside, and wonder now what about how we live and whom we deeply are? Are we living with authenticity with our way of being, style of living, actions, behaviours, how we treat others and expect to be treated are harmoniously aligned? In other terms, to what extent does our life match our personality?
As well explained by psychologist George Simon, in his book “Character Disturbances” (2011), the term “personality”—different from character—originates from the Latin word “persona”, which literally means “mask”. Indeed, as he reminds us well, classical psychology theories borrowed the term “persona” (from ancient theatre where male actors used masks to play all roles, including those of female characters. Those theories “conceptualize all individuals as struggling with fears of various kinds, especially fears of social rejection, condemnation, or abandonment” (Simon, 2011).
Bearing the above in mind, how do we manage our needs and emotions? What personality styles do we have and defences do we use, consciously or not, to deal with threats to our needs or to “hostility” in the world (Simon, 2011)? How can we learn to be, or remain, real or authentic, with all this? Perhaps elements of the answers to these questions reside in our capacity for self-reflection and in the courage to embrace our vulnerability (which is a strength in life)?
Perhaps related to the above, do we project inner chaos on others? Do we fear conflicts and escape accountability? Or are we courageous to set boundaries—invisible psychological lines meant to protect our integrity and well-being— to remain true to ourselves and especially to our self-respect? These boundaries are precious because they guide us in interacting with others and remind us of what behaviours to tolerate or not. Ideally, we want to treat others as we would like to be treated and vice versa.
To conclude this post and link it to its title, to what extent does your life currently look like you? Does it match your core values and psychological boundaries? Are the latter flexible or diplomatic and firm, as needed? Or are they too rigid because of much self-defence, even without a threat or hostility by others? Perhaps you find Bambi too philosophical today ahead a long drive :)? Regardless, she hopes you learned something from her questions. Enjoy your day, weekend, and/or vacations, if any. Protect your boundaries and have fun. Both summers and life in general are too short!
