Instead of a “Never Give Up Day”, how about a day to discern when to give up?

Yesterday night, Bambi had to stop preparing this post to deal with an urgent matter (MANY thanks again, Diana ❤️! A thank you to Louis too ❤️!). Well, this unfortunately scary yet common encounter made Bambi think even more about this post’s topic.

Specifically, she thought about questions like the following: when does giving up on some dreams, or even fears, is the wisest way for us in dealing with acute or chronic stress and in learning new ways of coping? When, and how, do we live with life’s bigger risks? Or when should we aim to get ourselves out of an uncomfortable or potentially dangerous situation? In other terms, when is it wise to completely avoid a risky situation and when is it better for us to keep taking calculated risks (in line with our values, personality, circumstances, impact on loved ones, etc.)?

Bambi has many personal examples, related to the above, from big dreams to smaller ones, from little risks to bigger ones, from irrational to legitimate fears (or both at once), yielding different decisions, depending on her different life’s stages, or on the presence or absence of transitions or crises, etc. She will spare you her personal examples because she is convinced you also have your own stories to think about, if you wish, with regard to the questions she raised.

The above being said, Bambi was writing the following first paragraph (bold text) in the middle of the night when encountered her highly stressful situation. Remember, we have a personal relationship with stress. We are not triggered or afraid or upset by the same stressors. Of course, even the same major stressors (e.g., wars, natural disasters like fires or earthquakes, pandemics, etc.) do not affect us in the same way because we are simply unique, each one of us, in our perceptions, coping strategies, physical and mental vulnerabilities. There is also variability in our support systems or access to the needed resources, etc.

Following the first paragraph, you can read the rest of the post, which was completed today, after a good night of sleep : ). Of course, there is nothing like sleep to help us recover from stress, acute yet strong or more chronic. Who knows? Maybe Bambi’s thoughts remained the same, but the little yet scary story she went through, along with the care of her friend and spouse made Bambi more convinced of the underlying idea shared below.

In a few hours, it will be Sunday August 18, which is a day, declared by someone called “Mr. Give Up” as being the “Never Give Up Day” (https://shorturl.at/x4a0c). Of course, it is great to teach ourselves and encourage others to be motivated in pursuing meaningful goals. Bravo! Bambi’s problem is surely not with this concept as she believes in personal agency, creativity, and hard work in achieving life goals. Her problem is specifically with the word “Never”. This post serves to explain why to the best of her capacity. You may or may not agree.

Yes, she will repeat it again: likely like you too, Bambi believes in personal agency in searching for/finding what is meaningful for us, in embracing our commitments, directions, and/or goals. Of course, she values inner (or intrinsic) motivation and hard work. However, sometimes in life, we face challenges with which we may decide, when the timing is optimal, to give up to allow ourselves the freedom to take other challenges or to make different, perhaps more suitable or meaningful, dreams come true.

Indeed, as per the wise words of Dr. Hans Selye, captured in the “vintage” brief video, shared below, that she loves to share with her students when they learn about stress: He began with his famous quote that “Stress is the salt of life“… and he ended the interview with the idea that “Sometimes in life, we have have to know when to give up“. Of note, his inspiring comments start at 1.54/2.58 minute of the YouTube recording, precisely after the journalist asked him about his own attitude about stress.

To what extent do you agree with Dr. Selye’s self-flexibility in the attitude toward stress? Or do you tend to be someone who might be resistant to allowing yourself to go through what this late yet GREAT, Hungarian-born Canadian, endocrinologist and scientist was talking about? If so, does this make you genuinely happy when you stop to think about it? Or, are you someone who would be more easily open to self-growth (whatever this means to you)? Mind you, sometimes self-change may be part of an adjustment journey during or following crises, illnesses, and other personal challenges, including grief.

Whatever your answer(s) to yourselves, while reading this post (if any), may you have peace of mind. May you be happy, whatever happiness means to you. Remember to be a good friend to yourself, at all times… and especially when coping with “your” stress.